Elf For A Day
by MadSockMonkey
Summary: The Bad Touch Trio celebrate the build-up to Christmas in the best way possible-crowded around a laptop in Germany's basemen-Gilbert's room.


NOTE: I was bored. VERY bored. The Christmas story is totally real! It's from northpole . com

* * *

><p>"Why are we doing this again, amigos?"<p>

"Shut the hell up."

"_Honhonhon, _it's amusing, no?"

Francis leaned closer towards the century-old laptop, typing furiously with a queer expression plastered across his features, elbowing a grinning Spaniard as his hand groped blindly for a glass on the filthy coffee table where the laptop sat amongst countless empty bottles, crisp packets and god knows what else.

"Gottverdammt! Why can't you type _normally?_ You're too ...too ...frigging ...loud... "

The albino muttered something virtually incoherent from his position on the cold floor, jeans undone and surrounded by empty bottles with a countless number of bright labels emblazoned across each one, not completely aware of his surroundings other than the fact that a Spaniard and Frenchman had grabbed his laptop and whatever it was that they were doing, it was apparently highly amusing. Knowing them as he did, it could've been anything from some kid's gaming site to porn.

"No, don't submit that. Try this, mi amigo!" Completely ignoring the Prussian's moans, by this point immune to whatever pointless crap he had to talk about, a slight chuckle erupting from the back of his throat as he wrestled the laptop from Francis, doubling the speed at which he typed to exceed that of Francis'. "So, it wants someone's personal information! Who's it gonna be?"

As soon as he finished speaking, the two glanced behind them and laughed in unison, the same stupid grin on their faces, before turning away from the hung-over albino to resume the activity of typing furiously as though they expected the laptop to be ripped from them at any minute, before hitting the 'submit' button with a little _too _much force,the 'enter' key dropping to the floor.

All was silent for a single minute, the only sound coming from Gilbert, who'd crawled his way onto his bed, sprawled across it in a way that made his 'vital regions' clearly visible to whoever happened to look over, moaning in a series of incoherent slurs, his voice slightly muffled by the pillow that he had pressed to his head in a vain attempt to end the relentless pounding in his head, his moaning increasing in volume as the other two erupted into fits of laughter on the floor. "...Scheiβe... Shuddup...'S not that funny..."

Blood red eyes peering over the top of his pillow, Gilbert squinted, trying to make sense of the seemingly endless stream of words on the screen, despite the fact that each word seemed to blur and merge together as soon as he attempted to read them, curiosity getting the better of him.

'_**Santa's Personalised Stories.'**_

"_Was die FICK!"_

'_**If you would like to have one of Santa's stories personalized for you, select one of them and enter your personal information. Then click "Read the Story" or "Print a Personalized Story Book" to create your very own book!'**_

By this point, Gilbert found himself desperately hoping that he'd misread something, completely and utterly speechless as to what they were currently doing, and why a kid's site was so damn amusing.

* * *

><p>'<strong>Elf For a Day'<strong>

Gilbert was not happy. It seemed like everyone in the whole world was having a good time. Everyone else, that is. Nothing was going right today.

"I can't find your ass. Elizabeta can't come over and play with my favourite thing. Now I have to stay here with a babysitter." It was a new babysitter, not even someone familiar.

It was two days before Christmas, too! This time of year was supposed to be special!

"You look like you could use some cheering up," the babysitter said. "Would you like to play with this snow globe? I thought you liked round things." Gilbert walked closer. The babysitter smiled and handed Gilbert the snow globe. "Turn it over and watch the snow fall," she said, her eyes twinkling. "It's Santa's Village—Santa's Secret Village. This is where Santa, his elves, and his reindeer live."

Gilbert picked up the snow globe and shook it until it was filled with floating snowflakes. There were little buildings inside and—look, there was a reindeer, and a tiny elf. They looked so real!

Suddenly Gilbert had the strangest feeling, as though something wonderful was about to happen. He knew this feeling. It was the best feeling ever.

Gilbert blinked. Snow was falling and voices were laughing. What had happened?

"Welcome to Santa's Secret Village, Gilbert," said a cheerful grownup voice. Gilbert looked up into the smiling, bearded face of Santa Claus! "You're our honorary elf for the day! These are my elves," Santa added, looking around at the little people around them.

One elf handed Gilbert a green jacket and a funny-looking pair of shoes. "Hi, my name is Bud. Just put these on over your clothes. They're woven with North Pole fleece and they will keep you warm here in Santa's Secret Village." Gilbert quickly pulled on the elf clothes. "There!" said Bud, "You could almost pass for one of us!"

Next, Bud took Gilbert to the Mailroom, where Bif was surrounded by mailbags overflowing with letters.

"Hi, Gilbert, Santa told me you might drop by. I sure could use some help sorting the letters that came today. It's getting close to Christmas Eve and we don't want anyone to be disappointed on Christmas morning!"

Soon Bud and Gilbert were helping Bif open envelopes and sort the mail for Santa to read. Gilbert looked for letters from Elizabeta and other kids back in Berlin but there were just too many letters to read—and Gilbert was only 24 anyway!

When they were finished, the three hurried to Mrs. Claus' Kitchen, where the other elves were eating lunch. "Hi, Gilbert!" they called. "How do you like being an elf?"

"I love it!" replied Gilbert. What a morning! Wouldn't Gilbert's family be surprised if they could see Mrs. Claus standing here serving lunch and wurst to Gilbert and a kitchen full of elves!

After lunch Bif went back to the Mailroom, but Bud and Gilbert stayed to help make cookies. Mrs. Claus even let them eat cookies right out of the oven. Yumm!

"Gilbert," Santa said, "you've been a great honorary elf today—and you've been good all year, too—we want to give you a special treat. Would you like to ride on one of our reindeer?"

"Oh, yes!" cried Gilbert, jumping up and down in excitement. Santa sat Gilbert on top of the little reindeer called Raymond and gave the reindeer his instructions. Raymond pranced around, then leapt into the air, taking Gilbert for an exciting ride over the village.

"That was more fun than invading vital regions," sighed Gilbert. "Oh, Santa, thank you so much for bringing me here!"

We've enjoyed having you here today," said Santa. "Come back and be an 'elf' with us again! Now I have to go check my list, and it's almost time for you to go home. But first, Bud, take Gilbert to the Clubhouse and play with your ass for a while. It's Gilbert's favourite toy, isn't it?"

Gilbert was getting tired, and it was time for supper back in Berlin. How would Gilbert get home?

At the Clubhouse the elves showed Gilbert their toys and books. Gilbert spotted a snow globe on the table and picked it up. "How strange," thought Gilbert. "That tiny town inside looks like mine."

* * *

><p>"Wake up, it's time for supper." Gilbert blinked and looked around. This wasn't Santa's Secret Village. What happened?<p>

"You're back home," said the babysitter. "Your family is back, too, and it's time for me to go. I hope you have a Merry Christmas. Here, this is for you." She held out the snow globe. "Santa wants you to have it—so you can visit again."

So it wasn't a dream! Gilbert was so happy! What a wonderful day it had been. This was going to be the best Christmas ever!


End file.
